Why does child support issues can be a difficult topic for custodial parents?
When we think back, some of us planned our children and some of us were initially (or not) so pleasantly surprised that there was a baby on the way. Once the news sinks in, we plan, dream, and prepare for the near future. We even wonder who our new baby will look like, what their unique name will be, what season he or she will be born, or if we will buy pink or blue.
There was a time when you wouldn’t even know the sex of the baby until they arrived. Many moms and dads make that choice and only care about having a healthy baby.
Having and raising babies is one of the pieces we know of, as the American Dream. It’s worldwide, consisting of an upper-middle or upper-class salary, husband/wife, daughter, son, puppy, and white picket fence happens for some people and doesn’t always come to fruition for others.
Many times, 2-parent families for several reasons decrease to one parent raising the children with all the responsibility of child-rearing and the financial responsibilities that come with it.
Co-parenting: When does that kick in?
According to the Single Mothers Guide website, “Of all single-parent families in the U.S., single mothers make up the majority.”
It’s the duty of both mother and father to take care of the children they created; and yes, there is that financial piece that can’t be denied. You would think this is a norm in raising children. There are still some parents who have to be ordered to pay child support who seem oblivious to the financial need.
I’m still unclear why this issue remains a “sting to the butt” for some non-custodial parents. I won’t waste time going into the importance of financial support for children; because that should be evident.
Even with all this, child support continues to be an issue that needs to, unfortunately, be addressed with parents who are blind to its necessity.
5 thoughts on child support and parenting:
1). It is laughable that these cases even reach the courts. Both parents should agree on an amount and be prepared to re-visit the discussion as the child (ren) grows, join activities, medical issues arise, etc.
2). Parenting should be the premise of the relationship between the parent and child (not necessarily the money). However, the relationship should trigger the notion that taking care of your children in every way possible is vital.
Gone are the days that there needs to be a conversation around parental support, financial and otherwise. With mutual understanding and having the ability to act on taking care of the children.
3). Not using children as a pawn. Many men are built to provide and protect, and if they feel unable to contribute, they may choose not to be involved altogether (not an excuse, just some truth).
The relationship between a parent and a child is priceless. Let’s not use the children to force that financial hand (that is where child support comes in). Let the court handle the money requests and avoid the constant drama.
4). Men, you have a say-so. If you know you have a child by a woman who might give you an unnecessarily hard time and you have tried multiple times to compromise, volunteer the child support proceedings to the proper authorities in your state.
Anything given to your child outside of the child support system is a gift. Let your financial efforts play out in the eyes of the state you reside. This way, the games played are worth zero. Then you (both) can get back to raising the children.
5). The verbal battle about financial support is so unneeded. Both parents (for the most part) know how costly it is to take care of children and even more so if only one parent is contributing.
If you cannot agree, by all means, use the child support system as an enforcer if the non-custodial parent is not readily willing for monthly financial assistance.
It is so crucial that we spend more time building relationships with our children. Make a conscious effort not to bad-mouth the other parent. Don’t give yourself too much praise, because that can be signs that the other parent is not as valuable, but allow the children to see their parent for who they are.
They will soon understand who plays what roles in the parenting game (trust me).
Through it all, you will make it. Remember, there are plenty of us going through the same situations and are making it with peace of mind, both mothers and fathers. Pray for wisdom, strength, and clarity and keep moving forward, even if parenting alone.
What are your experiences with child support? Do you receive it? Do you choose not to even bother? Let us know!
You can read more on my blog for single mothers at In Her Life Plans
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About the author
I’m Tiffany Jasper, the owner of the “In Her Life Plans” blog.
I offer support and encouragement to single moms on the path to greatness.
I am a proud African-American woman first, single mother of two, writer, editor at Tiff’s Editing Cafe (FB, IG and Twitter), lover of my community and member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc.
I have so many years of life experience of trial, error and success. As a result, I am passionate about assisting young women in navigating this thing called life! Working diligently to give insight, knowledge, answers and resources that will make that navigation less scary and more of a positive transition.
I look forward to connecting with you moving forward! Just remember, all women are welcome!
I hope the readers enjoy it!
Thank you again!
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